Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
