I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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