Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
