just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
