would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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