I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
