From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
