Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
