Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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