My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it's like iHOP with fire
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
