what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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