Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
