Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
