We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
