Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude. I can hear the air.
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