drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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