six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
