dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
