I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
