Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
