well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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