this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
