i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize