This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
