I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
