he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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