This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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