I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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