im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
