2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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