My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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