my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
