Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
