I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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