Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
