The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
