Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
