I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
