Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
