Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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