I skipped work to stalk him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
