Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
