I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
