highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
