If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
