Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
