were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
