forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
