So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
