...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
