my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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