Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
