32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
