wat bout pragnant strippers??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
