found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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