the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize