I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He has the fingertips of a God
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
