I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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