brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
