yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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