grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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