I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
