How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
