how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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