whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
