I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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