Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
