omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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