What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
